mangoes really do make my lips itchy

delhi is as intense as people make it out to be but for some reason i though it would be terrifyingly confrontational and overwhelming. maybe for a fresh pair of travelling legs, the sea of offering rickshaw drivers, ever persistent "travel agents" and sad looking beggars would inspire a bit of a wobble and nausia. however, i've decided, almost egotistically, that i have become somewhat surprisingly, a SEAsoned traveler in some senses. at least enough to wander around this strange city in search of the modern art museum, india gate, the main shopping circle thing, and hopefully a few more breathtakingly beautiful (not smelling) sights i know this city has to offer. i'm proud of my first few hours in delhi. i arrived in the evening and made friends with the american couple here on business, a Tibetan spiritual teacher, and my German airport buddy. when they had all scattered their separate ways, I found the waiting area for the green 50 rupees bus that would take me close to the hotel area. finally after a long time it came and all those who had patiently waited piled on. it was later than i had wanted to be arriving but it was all for the sake of an adventure and saving a few hundred rupees. when i felt like i was getting close i tried to ask the man next to me but he knew "thoraa english' and me 'no hindi' but he told me to worked for the army and i discovered i do understand some hindi (thanks nepali) but i want to respond in nepali. i got off at my stop thanks to the helpful people and started the most perilous part of my journey from the New Delhi Train Station to Anoop Hotel. if you are white/tourist looking and carrying a backpack you are like a moving target symbolizing 5-10 rupees plus commission (if they manage to take you to the hotel of their choice). they all wanted me to jump aboard so they could take me where they wanted. this is why i avoided the taxi from the airport and i wasn't going to give in now. i politely declined and followed the directions of the kind police officers, web surfers in a cafe and hopeful rickshaw drivers over the train station, through the night food vendors, past the strange cows and stick pile road marker, beyond the henna creators booths, over the cow pies and rubbish piles to Anoop Hotel. Upon arrival, i cleaned myself, so happy for running water i didn't mind using and crashed into the lovely soft bed.

the several days following my arrival have been just as eventful and tiring. even when i don't do much, it is enough to make my cold shower and bed the most inviting ofer i receive. i've met some nice travelers at restaurants: the swedish couple here for a brother's wedding, the woman from holland travelling from varanasi, and Laura and Lauren from england crazily shopping before their late night flight home. and finally i've met alma and ian, two of the people i will be travelling to ladakh with. i'm so happy to be a "real" traveller now, getting places on my own a little and making my own choices. i'm not steering my own ship, getting used to the gentle rocking of the journey, knowing that any storms that come my way will once again go. but all the while thinking, mangoes really do make my lips itchy...or perhaps i'm just allergic to peanut butter/INDIA.

small people

children are the hope, the future, the joy

children also show the faults in human beings. it is hard to be so critical of such small, beautiful, energetic beings. i want to think they are all innocent, kind, well intentioned, and self less. but this is just not the case. much of my experience has been surrounding children. large groups of them in varying situations. sometimes in the classroom, other times on field trips, and mostly in their own home (except there are 40 living in one house). it is just tough to give so many individuals the attention they all deserve. what i've noticed most is the loud, courageous, and sometimes just outright pushy students/children/people in general end up getting the most attention whether they deserve it our not. hmm...i feeling that i sound negative. though it is disappointing to realize that all children are not perfect angels (especially when they are together in a big group), spending so much time listening to shouting voices and so much energy trying to quiet them also inspires me. if we could better utilize the excess energy these children have, and give them the kind of attention that allows them to do this, i think so many things could be improved. they are brilliant, creative, kind, and funny in so many unimaginable ways. for all their faults, they still are the hope, the future and the joy.

soon i leave nepal. yes, i will return. but first i must leave. i am going to india in a few weeks to experience a new culture and work in Ladakh. This is a very Northeast area of India nearby Tibet. it will be strange and inspiring, magical, yet humbling. i cannot even imagine.
imagine: http://www.pbase.com/asianodyssey/leh.
i cannot lie. i am ready for a change. i have done all i can here in nepal but really i feel like i have done very little. it is hard to do things, it seems. i feel the most i have done is created some friendships which will i hope stay with me forever. the conversations i've had with people, old and young, about life, struggle, hope, and despair are most valuable to me. though the words we spoke have now flown into the mists, the feelings they gave me will remain with me for much longer. i've luckily shared the experience with some good friends from the USA also so it will be a good support to me to have such people in my life. i have been here on my own almost four and a half months, but i never truly felt alone. hospitality toward strangers is a skill so many of us have forgotten. for foreigners the USA is a rough, unforgiving, often unwelcoming place. it is just the opposite here. for this i am thankful. i will truly miss my many didis, dajus, bahinis, bhais, anties, uncles, and aamas. what to do without such loving, welcoming, helpful family.

but it is too soon to say goodbye. i will leave but this place will always be close to my spirit and lifeblood. how to make both families happy? how to be so close and so far at once? just because i am not home, does not mean i do not miss it. just because i have a new family, does not mean i do not miss the old.

thinking of you and thanking you.

a few photos...

view of a festival in a village

south india actually happened

i understand now why blogs are so difficult to update. it's not that i don't want to, it's just that i don't do it. i'm so sorry. i know most of you have given up on me. i am really tired and suffering from a cold. malai khoki lageko chha. coughing. but i will do my best to give you an idea of what my trip to india was like. however, complete sentences are the way of the past.

16 hour night bus trip means dinner with the bus drivers...
awkward silence but i'm proud to eat with my hands

arrive in surunga, jhapa district, nepal
my dajyu meets me at 6am as the bus drivers drop me meters from his home
i drink tea and my new sisters come to take me home
tiredness overwhelms me but i am happy to meet more gautams
the little village atmosphere welcomes me, the houses all stand up on steaks
i sleep and eat and we walk to the river
so much more happens there. i feel loved, embarassed for all the attention, happy
but the next day i must go...indiama janchhu.

india is a new world at first. the sights and sounds seem so different
where did my nepal go?
then the bus starts climbing up hills. happy hills
and then we arrive, nepali words i can read once more
and i find thandiwe, my friend. we match. our dresses are the same blue color.
we walk but soon i feel a fever and sickness. i almost don't make it the long walk home.
when i do it is over. all i can do is sleep. my first real sickness.

finally i recover a few days later and meet a friend of mine from kathmandu's family.
connections are webbing outward the longer i stay here. all people are willing to take me in
kalimpong is great. much like nepal but in india things are different.
water is available to more people, lights also come on and off
there are maintained roads.

and there are trains. after a few days in kalimpong the train became my home
siliguri train station. begger children sleep on the stairs.
but once on the train we sleep on blue vinal bunks, that become sticky with sweat and dust
but heat makes us sleep. i open my book to read but my eyes close
food comes through the train. chai, coffee, chai. samosi! lunch?
always our reply is no. but always they ask and then laugh.
the nepali speakers on the train are saviours. kind, giving, looking out.

when we emerge from the cacoon train, i see a new world
bright colors, sweet jack fruit smells.
but i am dirt and sweat only. soiled takes on new meaning.
we wash and dark water flows.

wait, i just found the coolest thing...

now can type in nepali!! look दाल भात this says daal bhat...and आमा घर that says ama ghar. and एमेली that says emily। ऊप्स नो आईटी इस तुर्निंग एवेर्य्थिंग इन्तो थे स्क्रिप्ट! it started to turn everything i wrote into the script.....ook.

pugyo chha! bhayo! dhanyabad!

the food. i never get tired of daal bhat, tarkadi, and achar. (Almost) every day, twice a day and always so tasty! mitho chha!! that's lentils (almost like soup that we pour over the rice), rice, a type of vegetable (i have eaten many new kinds, like jackfriut, every kind of green vegetable, and this one called lady fingers (?), beans, cauliflower, potatoes, etc.) and pickle. the pickles are all different types. some are like salsa, some are made from ground sesame seeds, some actually taste like our pickles. usually they are spicy or bitter or a little salty to add flavour to the meal. I enjoy them very much. i always eat with my hands when possible. there is a specific way to eat and you make a sort of shovel with your hand and push the food into your mouth. it took me a while to master the technique and i still have difficulty at times. the children at ama ghar laughed at me and kept telling me how to do it until i figured it out. in nepal, everyone eats the same thing, morning and night, every day. they drink tea early in the morning, then daal bhat around 9 or 10, more tea and khaaja (snacks) around 3 or so, and then daal bhat again later in the night. i am never hungry. it is nice, but also difficult because i usually do not choose when or what or how much i eat. i am starting to ask for less rice, but less rice doesn't always mean less and even when i say i've eaten snacks, i often am served more anyway. i always eat what is put in front of me. i have to. i cannot waste the food and i do not want to be rude and refuse tea or food when it is offered to me. i enjoy it all, but now i think i am getting fat. yes, it is true. i try not to care so much, but i feel full and bloated. i don't actually thing i'm getting that fat, but maybe i am. it's hard to tell. i have started to do exercises in my room but i am also lazy. fat and lazy. where i stay now is a one minute walk to the school, so i don't get exercise walking to work. i've thought about going for walks, but again, i am lazy. when i wake up in the morning i lay in bed until manju or elija (the wife and niece of gautam, the principal) come in with my tea. so lazy. and they won't let me help clean the dishes or wash even though i try. all this is to say my gratitude for the wonderful hospitality. really wonderful. i always feel well taken care of in the food and drink department. the other things (like having running water) are outside of my hosts' control and i think it is important to recognize (and experience the truth) that so many places in the world do not have all the things i've grown up with.

so if you miss you, just think...at the end of the day i am bloated, lazy, and stinking, so you really aren't missing much!

shanti, shanti, basnuhos...

the CA elections came and went. i spent the time in front of the large screen TV in Gautam's apartment. it is an historic event and i will always remember being present in the capital of this change bound country. we ventured outside early and saw a few polling stations. men and women were dressed up, excitedly waiting to cast their votes. the women wore beautifully colorful saris. men and women lined up in different lines, to prevent injury if people got pushy...or something. anyway, it was a festive feeling event.

now i've spent the last few days in front of the TV as the ballots are individually counted. it is a slow process, as voting was not done electronically and the ballots were just paper with a backward swastika stamped by the chosen candidate's name. overall the voting was done in a peaceful manner, welcomed by the internationally community and the citizens of nepal. the days and weeks leading up to the vote were plagued by violence, intimidations, murders, and fear. i personally never felt unsafe, but it was disheartening to know that these things were taking place. the candidates and members of the political parties put themselves and their families in danger by hoping for a Naya Nepal and a chance at democracy. the gernally peaceful manner of the election day (a few people died and voting was suspended in some regions) was a hopeful sign.

now the results are coming quickly and constantly. and the "ex-rebels" as the world is calling them have prevailed overwhelmingly. the moaists, or moabadi as they are called here, have won in many more places than expected, and by surprisingly large margins. now everywhere is talk. moabadi, moabadi, moabadi. i hear the word every few minutes it seems. and the talk is not bad. people are hopefully defeated. the old, "trusted" parties have been defeated embarrassingly. for some this signals the will of the people for change, but also it is tinged with the violence of the past, intimidation and fear the people felt and may continue to feel. the leader of the moaists proclaimed a few weeks before the election the if they did not win the majority "a peaceful war" would continue for the causes of the moabadi.

i am not sure what is instore for this small country. as i read about the economy, oil prices, rice crisises around the world, daily bombings in the middle east and elsewhere, war in sri lanka, election disputes in zimbabwe, petty behavior in the usa's own primary elections, i wonder what i'm doing here, what i'm doing at all. ke garne? means what to do? in Nepali. it is actually not said very often, but westerners, tourists, whoever have coined it as a key phrase of this place. i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, lost, and just pointless these days. i'm asking myself kina garne? why do? i know it is a passing phase, a momentary stall in my usually hopeful attitude.

when things are changing here, at home, when i cannot engage in any of them as i should, i am standing still as things spin out of control around me. sighs...i just hope this peace is here to stay.