shanti, shanti, basnuhos...

the CA elections came and went. i spent the time in front of the large screen TV in Gautam's apartment. it is an historic event and i will always remember being present in the capital of this change bound country. we ventured outside early and saw a few polling stations. men and women were dressed up, excitedly waiting to cast their votes. the women wore beautifully colorful saris. men and women lined up in different lines, to prevent injury if people got pushy...or something. anyway, it was a festive feeling event.

now i've spent the last few days in front of the TV as the ballots are individually counted. it is a slow process, as voting was not done electronically and the ballots were just paper with a backward swastika stamped by the chosen candidate's name. overall the voting was done in a peaceful manner, welcomed by the internationally community and the citizens of nepal. the days and weeks leading up to the vote were plagued by violence, intimidations, murders, and fear. i personally never felt unsafe, but it was disheartening to know that these things were taking place. the candidates and members of the political parties put themselves and their families in danger by hoping for a Naya Nepal and a chance at democracy. the gernally peaceful manner of the election day (a few people died and voting was suspended in some regions) was a hopeful sign.

now the results are coming quickly and constantly. and the "ex-rebels" as the world is calling them have prevailed overwhelmingly. the moaists, or moabadi as they are called here, have won in many more places than expected, and by surprisingly large margins. now everywhere is talk. moabadi, moabadi, moabadi. i hear the word every few minutes it seems. and the talk is not bad. people are hopefully defeated. the old, "trusted" parties have been defeated embarrassingly. for some this signals the will of the people for change, but also it is tinged with the violence of the past, intimidation and fear the people felt and may continue to feel. the leader of the moaists proclaimed a few weeks before the election the if they did not win the majority "a peaceful war" would continue for the causes of the moabadi.

i am not sure what is instore for this small country. as i read about the economy, oil prices, rice crisises around the world, daily bombings in the middle east and elsewhere, war in sri lanka, election disputes in zimbabwe, petty behavior in the usa's own primary elections, i wonder what i'm doing here, what i'm doing at all. ke garne? means what to do? in Nepali. it is actually not said very often, but westerners, tourists, whoever have coined it as a key phrase of this place. i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, lost, and just pointless these days. i'm asking myself kina garne? why do? i know it is a passing phase, a momentary stall in my usually hopeful attitude.

when things are changing here, at home, when i cannot engage in any of them as i should, i am standing still as things spin out of control around me. sighs...i just hope this peace is here to stay.