ramro chha, bhok lagyo chiana!

much has happened since my first entry i think but it is hard to comprehend and express at the moment. i am still trying to soak up the language and culture as well as the political unrest and difficult daily living situations.

it is hard for me, as a guest in this country, to begin to sympathize or understand the challenges facing the local people of this village Taukhel and of this Nepal. as a guest we are consistently brought tea and biscuits, even when cooking gas is unavailable for most of the population in Kathmandu. we are offered snacks, warm water to shower (when the sun shines strong enough), a western style toilet, and or own bed and room. in this house 37 children and young adults occupy maybe 8 rooms. four of us volunteers take 2 rooms. and this Ama Ghar has so much compared to most other people. it is so good. each child has art supplies donated by visiting korean teachers, cards and board games, sports equipment, DVDs and CDs and so many strong willed, educated, independent minds. when the power is out, music still finds a way. the lights just came on but the excited cheers barely interrupted the singing i hear from my room. today the newspaper announced that each household will receive 6 more hours of electricity per week. that means load shedding will be in affect for 41 hours (meaning the power is shut off) instead of 47 per week!

i am amazed by the strength of the people here. just like anywhere else the children are full of energy and talent. many people are well educated and informed about world events and history. much more educated than me. and yet they still look to me, a college graduate with no experience, as the answer to their lack of inspiration. what do i have to offer? very little yet i represent to them something great. i don't exactly know what that means yet. i don't want to let anyone down, but i am doing all i can do to soak up all the experiences i'm having.

nothing seems all that profound initially but i know this experience will always influence my life decision and the paths i take.

ama dal! auntie bhat!

it is hard to believe it's only been a little over a week since i stepped off Thai Airways 319 into the sunlight of Kathmandu. that days was by far the clearest day we've had and i don't mean because there are always clouds. we could see the Himalayan range, which i have learned is a rarity in this valley. a rarity because of the smog filled atmosphere which makes the hill less than 2 miles away a greenish brown blur. Environmentally speaking, Nepal is discouraging, politically speaking, the future just as unstable as the trash piles floating down the Bagmati river. But then there are the children. I have been blessed in so many ways. First with the opportunity and support to leave my home and encounter a new world in this small, volatile country. second, with the companionship of melyssa and gabe, who showed up at my hotel in Bangkok with bags of Malaysian snacks and Thai food. And third with the many friends awaiting our arrival in Nepal. My experiences thus far have included exploring many Hindu temples, Buddhist stupas, eating samosas and roti (flatbread), experiencing a festival in a village called Sankhu, riding public transportation (mostly small vans packed full of people bouncing on dusty roads), and Ama Ghar. The majority of our time has been at a lovely four storey house full of 37 children, 4 volunteers and a rotating set of Nepalese staff and the American director. It is a full house, a loving home that has made being away from my own too easy. Melyssa and I share a room and the situation is ideal. We wake up when we want about 6:45 but get to lay in bed for awhile while the children get breakfast and dressed for school. We get amazing tea and then help the children with their homework if they need it. When we stay at Ama Ghar for the day, we are served dal bhat, rice and lentils at 10 which is always amazing. The children return by 4 and we spend the afternoon playing volleyball, hide and seek, or drawing. The children are so funny and kind and loving. The youngest ones are 8 and seem younger than that to me. They are small but very smart and love drawing (and particularly love having me draw for them). They are very well taken care of but of course just seek attention from us. I am so glad they have the resources and encouragement to explore their creativity. All of the children have their own talents and I am amazed by their dancing, guitar playing, reading skills, and desire to teach us their language and culture.

Being in Nepal feels very natural to me. I know i stick out as a foreigner but it doesn't seem to hold such a the negative stigma as other places. it is a privilege i am well away of being a white american. We have met several nice Nepalese people our age who are wiling to help us and show us around. We have spent several good sight seeing days with Anil, a friend of Hillary from Portland. He took us to his village, has taught us some Nepali and checks in with us frequently to make sure we are happy happy. We also met with Sam who is in Kathmandu and will see other friends from college and Portland as time unfolds. I am healthy and happy thus far. Internet is difficult to get right now so please be patient with me as I will not be able to update very often. love you all.

hours

just weeks

not going to lie i'm pretty nervousexcited about the trip, not excitednervous. nervous a little more than excited, but both feelings are strongly present. i am going to LA thursday which will be a good escape from all the things i should be doing, but those things of course remain patiently waiting for me when i return. but it is all doable. my main goal is to spend quality time with everybody i love, but not be stretched. my grandma is my biggest priority. and my parents of course.

i'm so thankful to have found comfortable in portland. i could come back and know i'd be taken care of by my friends and family. i feel confident that this is a place to always call home. but wander i must and there is no telling when the wonder of it all will subside. but comfort i have found when i'm ready. i hope it is here to embrace my weary traveled soul in its water heavy clouds and spring shooting grass. thank you thank you this place.

blazers videos

i felt like posting these because they make me happy.

feeling at home

so it is now less than a month. i will be in bangkok awaiting my flight to nepal. woo! so crazy. i am checking things off my lists of things to do. kind of. at least i'm getting some of the important things completed but i have goals of painting, cleaning out my room, reconnecting with people and i fear some of those may suffer as the days sneak by.

however, i feel at peace. really at home here in portland now. you'd think that would make it hard to leave. and i guess on some level it is tough but at the same time i'm gaining confidence. this is my home. it will always be my home, whether i come back here right away, later in life, or even never. but i suspect i will be back. it is already calling back at the same instant the whirling world calls me to go forth into its turbulent cloudy expanses.

i feel teeter-tottering on the edge. maybe on the edges. the edge of adulthood. the edge between the past and the future. ecstasy and reservation. ignorance and enlightenment. haha, well maybe not on the edge of enlightenment. but somewhere closer to some approximation of truth. my own truth, not the world truth. for nothing universal i am searching. i search selfishly for that inner guidance i hope to find in the greater lost world; to find the compass directing me buried in the directionless wanderings of human lives. maybe there is a path we all take, wandering here or there, that is somehow determined by something else. by something.

ben harper says:
Life is a blurry-eyed, heavy-hearted whirlwind of a storm
Some things just hurt too much to cry
Memories are like shadows the light won't make disappear
I still see you smiling with your eyes

Did you go back from where you came?
If I get there, will they have my name?
If they don't, I'll only have myself to blame
For all these things, true happiness is having wings

i say the blazers are the real deal. i found two of my dad's old t-shirts. i knew he had these shirts. i distinctly remember them from my childhood. i found them just in time.

First

Well now. My stomach is telling me something big is coming up. Or it could be the fudge and cheese I ate for dinner. Either way, something big is coming up. In about a month I will be boarding a plane headed WEST. But somehow I'll end up in the EAST. What is direction anyway? Up, down, mean little when one is ungrounded. I all I know is that I'm going. There is nothing in my way, says the title of the Keane song I'm listening to now. And really for the last few years there has been nothing in my way, except myself. Now that my trip to Nepal is so quickly rushing upon me, there are visa requirements, hours of plane rides, language barriers, and thousands of miles in my way. But still it is nothing. This freedom I feel within myself is unparalleled. Maybe a bit like flying, guided only by the rising and falling of the feathering air currents. The air itself is both part of me and a force beyond my control. A freedom I know I am privileged to experience. So many dream of embarking on some life adventure but it remains a wispy phantom mist. Others can never even conjure up a ghostly imagined world different from the stony reality carved by the eyes of hopelessness. But my world blooms for me. I intend to spread the rich seeds cultivating within as my own petals embrace life's sunlit arms.