a lot to explain

the whirlpool has finally settled. i rest once again at my home in portland, soaking up realities like a reluctant sponge. one you have to squeeze a few times before water easily rushes out.

i've been squeezed a few times already. it doesn't hurt at first...but later on a little soreness persists. but like every muscle, lactic acid in the heart also dissolves. finally the pain eases. pain is a beautiful teacher. scars left over from rough encounters heal but always remind us of our careless fragility. a scar is a wildly used symbol, but fitting here. it is a consequence.

i think lately i've been seeking my consequences. life is full of recklessness, but in my case i think extreme. in my own mind i believe this anyway. i know there is a lot to explain that i just cannot. but sometimes one being survives a long time in a craze. constant flight keeps harm steps--sometimes miles, behind. a head above the foaming waves allows in and out breaths. even as predators circle the clear waters below, quick fluttering feet make bubbles disguising vulnerability.

but consequences--short lived or long lasting, request an emergency landing...the momentary calm acknowledgment of dangers below.

this does apply to me

however, each day teaches us multitudes. knowledge seeps in quickly when the water tight mind-vessel tears.

maybe i tried to be plastic coated...impenetrable. a "man-made" bubble resisting true consequences. but karma has a way of sticking a sharp pin through the thickest armor. even without knowing it, a leak develops...quickly compromising comfortable ignorance.

soon i'm swimming frantically...spitting and gasping as wisdom makes it way down my throat.

but to be a sponge...always filled with life-giving moisture. atoms holding the mystery of life and death. taking in and giving in balance. learning, losing, and welcoming the outside vision. accepting reality as the nourishment sustaining growth.

this moment i soak...the universe ocean gently entering the pour-like wholes in my mind.